Teaching students how to “make small talk”
There is a loneliness epidemic and many students are facing significant challenges related to social isolation. Because students have grown up with smartphones and social media, they haven’t had as many opportunities to develop social skills. Consider sharing some of the below tips, to get them talking and building friendships.
For Students
- Start small and look for commonality. One student’s advice on overcoming embarrassment is to “talk to anyone who looks interesting or seems to share a common interest. Offer that classmate a piece of gum. Ask to borrow a pen from someone in the library.”
- Be yourself. Authenticity is key. No one is judging us the way we judge ourselves. Real life is not social media.
- Keep it light. Keep the tone positive and take interest in the conversation.
- Ask real questions and remember that people love talking about themselves. Avoid “yes” and “no” responses by asking open-ended questions, like:
- What do you think about XX?
- What’s surprised you about the New School so far?
- Other small talk discussion topics: influencers, memes, pets, hobbies, games, TV shows, movies, New York City, really any non-controversial topic will do
- Look at this list for more conversation starters
- Focus on understanding what’s being said. Not just thinking about how you’ll respond.
- Offer real answers. Responding with more than a one-word response gives the person we’re talking to something to respond to. Ask your partner a question in return, to continue the conversation.
- Pay attention to the other person. Are there signs they are interested? Bored? Being mindful of your conversation partner can also quiet any internal negative talk you have, e.g. I sound so annoying, or I don’t have anything interesting to say.
- Practice. It can be nerve-wrecking at first, but the more we do it, the more confident we’ll feel about it. You can even tell your partner you’re practicing. It invites them to practice, too.
- Stop when you need to. Remember, we can end the conversation if we, or the person we’re talking with, needs a break. “Well, it was nice to chat!” And if you told them you were practicing, thank them for helping you!
Why small talk matters
- “People generally feel better, have more positive social emotions and a sense of connection when engaging in small talk.” – Patrick Downes, Assistant Professor of Management, University of Kansas
- Small talk sets the foundation for deeper conversation, allowing us to find camaraderie and common ground.
- It’s a part of professional networking and will be expected during interview processes, at many workplaces, and in myriad other settings.
- It might teach us something new or help us make a new friend.
Additional resources
- Laugh as Mr. Data from Star Trek “[attempts] to fill a silent moment with non-relevant conversation,” YouTube (3 min., video)
- Some advice on how to deal if you hate small talk, YouTube (6 min., video)